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Shara

(12 years later)

Shara jerked awake, heart pounding, body tingling. Already the dream was fading out of memory, just a lasting impression of dread. She breathed slowly, allowing her heart to relax as she looked around, gathering her wits. A dim orange-red glow reflected off of the entrance to their little grotto, a sure sign that the fire was very low. Many times she had lain in bed late into the night, watching the reflected fire dance on the smooth rock walls of their home, sending sparks and glints of light rippling across the cavern.

To her left, her younger brother Kito slept quietly, curled up in his skins. To her right, her mother Shena, father Daro and baby sister Lara snuggled together. Lara was nursing greedily at her mother’s breast, grunting and slurping, while gently stroking her mother’s hair with her chubby toddler fingers.

Yawning, she rolled out of bed. I wish I could sleep through breakfast. Walking carefully, she crept out and around a corner into the main cavern. Sure enough, the fire was down to the last few glowing embers, shimmering in the darkness, the smoke rising through the air, and out the chimney hole. The sky outside was just a tiny shade lighter that pitch black – dawn was coming, but not just yet. As she walked, flecks of orange and red sparked from the walls, faint reflections of heat and warmth. She had learned from an early age not to stare at the sparks as she walked – the flashes and bits of light were very disorienting, throwing her off balance when she forgot to focus on her path. Even worse, there were always at least a few people sleeping in the main room, and stepping on them was, in general, a bad idea.

The creek trickled by, out through the entrance into the morning air. She stepped over it carefully, the rock on either side was very slippery when it was damp, and slips and falls were common. It was time to spread more grass across the slick floor, to improve the footing. She thought for a moment about fetching the grass right away – she had a habit of forgetting things like that, but her bladder demanded immediate attention.

As she stepped outside, the morning air felt like nothing. It was almost always colder outside the cave than inside this time of the year. But not today. A good sign. Walking carefully in the not-quite pitch black, carefully eying the path, she stepped onto the riverbank, cool mud squishing between her toes. A flash in the sky caught the corner of her eye. Turning quickly, she watched as another and then another star flitted across the western sky, followed by two, and then three more, driving their tracks across the heavens. Still a little fogged by sleep, it took a few moments for the significance of this to sink in. Starfall. Today is Starfall. Then she gasped, and a smile crept across her face. I will be a woman of the Clan tonight after the ceremony.

Chills ran up and down her spine, and she shivered happily.

“Shara? Is that you?” An old man hobbled up to her, barely visible in the pre-dawn darkness.

“Good morning, Shaman.” She lowered her head briefly in respect to the old man.

He limped forward, bones aching in the morning air. “Good morning. Today is Starfall. Are you prepared?”

Shara nodded carefully and looked up at him. Thin strands of long white hair framed his wizened face. “I have gathered food as you asked.” she said. The water on her feet was suddenly cold, and she stepped carefully out of the river. Stars continued to rain overhead, and she did her best to ignore them, trying to show Shaman the respect he deserved.

He nodded thoughtfully. “You may wish to check again. I believe that some of the children have stolen from your supplies.”

Anger flared for a moment, replaced by despair. “What? There is no time to find more!” Tears started to well up in her eyes. “What am I going to do?”

Gently, Shaman touched her arm. “Calm yourself, girl. There is plenty of time. The Starfall celebration is not until tonight. Take Oola with you out into the fields and find more. It will not take long.”

His words helped a little, but she could not shake the feeling of hopelessness. “They’re just going to steal more.” Tears streamed down her cheeks.

Shaman shook his head. “No. I caught them last night and punished them. They will not take any more.”

Shara nodded, sniffling. It wasn’t even dawn yet and her day was already ruined.

“Look!” said Shaman, motioning southwards. “The Guardian Mountain is starting to glow. Dawn is near.”

Turning, she followed his gestures. A naked pinkish loaf of stone seemed to float in midair as the first light of the dawn struck the crown of the nearby mountain. As she watched, it slowly grew downwards through the sky, until the ghostly silhouette of the entire mountain could be seen, dominating the view to the south. “It’s so beatiful.”

“You’ve never seen that before? I thought you were an early riser.”

“I always have chores inside…” She said, and waved her hand uncertainly.

Every year since she could remember, the clan had traveled to the top of Guardian Mountain to pray and feast and celebrate the might of the spirits on the night of Starfall. Last year, and the year before that, the two oldest children had become adults of the tribe – the chief’s son Armis and then Reya, her friend and cousin on her father’s side. But her uncle had died some years ago, killed by a long-tooth cat. His name floated up out of her memories, but she pushed it away, trying, as was the custom of the Clan, not to speak or think of the dead for fear of disturbing their rest. After a few moments the mountain faded against the dawning sky, until it was a dark hulking blob against the pale blue of the morning.

“That was amazing” she breathed, her sorrows forgotten for the moment. She turned to Shaman for agreement, but he was already gone. Fear clutched at her heart. “Shaman! Where did you go?” Then she saw him, limping back towards their home. She blushed. her face hot with embarrassment at how easily she had been frightened.

He paused, and turned. “I’m up here. There is nothing to fear here, Shara.” She nodded silently. An uncomfortable silence followed for several moments before Shaman spoke again. “Ah – could you collect some grass for the entrance? It is quite slippery again.”

Wincing at her forgetfulness, she scurried down the riverbank towards the grass plains, and busied herself with the task. “Stupid girl” she muttered under her breath. “Stop being so jumpy.” Snatching at the grasses, she mashed everything together into an ungainly clump that seemed determined to fall apart. Carrying it awkwardly in her arms, she hurried back to the entrance and started scattering the grasses across the floor. Each bundle of grass only covered a small portion of the floor, and she had to return again and again to the fields to collect more.

By the time she was done the sun was already halfway past the horizon, warming the air. Other Clan members were already milling about, starting the fire, fetching water and the other chores of the women. She was just carrying her last load of grass to the entrance when a familiar wail greeted her. Out of the darkness, her mother appeared, struggling to carry little Lara in her arms while the toddler kicked and screamed in apparent desperate agony. Silently, Shena handed the child, still screaming, to Shara and walked down to the river.

Shara whispered and sang to Lara, trying to calm her, bouncing her softly in her arms. Sometimes it worked well, but not today. Lara continued to yell and kick “Want momma!” she screamed, pounding at her sister’s hair. “Patience. Shhhh.” Shara breathed. “Momma will be back soon.”

“No! NOW!” And Lara grabbed at Shara’s long black hair, yanking hard on a handful. Grimacing in pain, she carefully pried her sister’s fingers apart. “I’m throwing you in the river!” Pinning the baby against her chest, she marched down to the water. Lara’s screams immediately changed from anger to fear. “No Shara! No throw! Momma! Shara no throw!”

“Stop crying” Shara hissed in her sister’s ear.

“No throw!” a little quieter.

“Stop crying” she hissed again. Finally the little girl went limp. “Okay.”

Shena appeared to be fighting back a smile as she returned and took one daughter from the other. Lara nuzzled up against her mother, hugging her tightly. “Momma milk?” the baby asked. Shena clucked. “You just ate.”

“Momma, milk!” Her voice started to break again, and Shara braced herself for another round of crying. Mercifully, Shena sighed and nodded. “Alright.” Pulling her breast from her shirt, she sat down on the riverbank and let the baby latch on. As was her custom, Lara gently stroked her mother’s arm, up and down as she nursed.

Shara sat down next to her mother on the ground. To the west, a flock of geese rose from a nearby lake and flew like a spearhead northwards across the morning sky. Taking notice of her sister’s habit, a question popped into her head. “Doesn’t that tickle?”

Shena smiled and nodded. “A little. But your nursing habit was worse.”

Shara couldn’t help the defensiveness that entered her voice. “Why, what did I do?”

Her mother laughed. “You had to play with my belly button. It was the only thing that would satisfy you. You tickled me all the time!”

“Oh.” Shara felt a twinge of shame. “Sorry.”

Gently, Shena leaned over and gently kissed her elder daughter on the head. “Don’t worry. It was part of what makes you special to me.”

That helped. Shifting slightly, she leaned over, resting her head against her mother’s shoulder, watching the clouds and the birds fly across the deepening sky.

Lara had already quieted, and was lying limp as a bundle of fur in her mother’s lap. Covering up, Shena softly stroked her baby daughter’s hair and sang a simple tune, wordless. But somehow it brought thoughts of happiness, contentment and joy. Shara listened intently. It seemed both new and yet somehow incredibly familiar. After a few halting moments, she found she could sing along, even though she could not remember ever hearing it before.

Curiosity bubbled up and boiled over in her head as she waited for the song to end. Staring at her mother, she blurted out “What is that song?” just as her mother finished.

A huge smile bloomed across her mother’s face. “You remember!”

Shara pondered that for a moment. “Did you sing it to me when I was a baby?”

“Yes. It is something that I came up with before you were born. I also sang this song to your brother, but I guess you were too young to remember.” Shena gathered the baby up in her arms. “Here. Take her back inside to your father. I have to help prepare the morning meal.”

Obediently, Shara took her sleeping sister and carried her back inside. The morning Sun brought a little light into the shadows, enough to bring out the soft tan of the sands underfoot, and the sparkling crimson flecks buried in the stone walls that brought Red Cave its name. Still, it was dark and shadowy within, and she stepped carefully. Strange growls and snarls erupted from somewhere deep within, but she paid them no mind. A moment later a pack of boys appeared, playing bear and hunter, clawing and poking at each other with sticks and hands. Yelling and growling, they were certain to wake up any of the adults who were still sleeping. Lara, having spent her entire life around this sort of noise, didn’t even stir.

Reaching her family’s hollow, she met her father, Daro just as he was leaving. “Good morning, Father”.

“Good morning, Shara.” He glanced at her, and saw the toddler in her arms. Gently, he kissed both of his daughters, and moved out of the way, allowing Shara to get by. Smoothly and gently, with the skill of much practice, she carefully folded Lara still sleeping back up in the bed skins.

Daro was waiting for her. “I expect to finish the work on the gate today.”

Shara nodded excitedly. As the tribe’s builder and toolsmith, Daro was well-respected in the Clan. The gate had been a recent idea, something that no one had ever thought of before – large, strong tree trunks lashed together to form a barrier at the entrance to the cavern, one that would protect their people and their food from the unpredictable wolf attacks.

“That’s wonderful, Father. Can I help?”

One of her father’s best features was his smile, which glowed warm and friendly through the heaviest beard. “I would love for you to help. I will eat, and then we will start.”

Her stomach grumbled uncomfortably, and she realized that she was hungry as well. “I’ll go with you.” But then she winced. A thin cry was trickling out of their home, and Shara rushed back in to soothe her sister back to sleep, gently singing and stroking her hair. She tried singing her mother’s lullaby, and the words came to her surprisingly easily. By the time the baby was settled, she was so hungry she felt like she had a hole in the middle of her belly. Next to the bed skins she noticed a small pile of nuts that she hadn’t seen before. Scooping them up, she devoured them as she quietly crept out of the entranceway.

“Shara!” A familiar face appeared out of the gloom. “Good morning!”

“Oola! Ssh!” She motioned back at the sleeping child. Oola nodded, and Shara continued in a whisper. “Good morning! Today is Starfall. Are you ready?”

Oola smiled and nodded happily, her beautiful curly brown hair dancing across her face. She was one of just three people in the entire Clan with brown hair, and she had learned to show it off. “I have been waiting for this day for so long!”

They started walking towards the entrance. The rich smell of sizzling buffalo meat drifted through the air, setting Shara’s mouth watering. And then she saw the baskets of fruits and vegetables, stacked neatly against the wall where she had left them the previous day.

Shaman had not mentioned how much was gone, but he had certainly given her the impression that not much had been taken. It looked like the baskets had been attacked by bears – carrots and turnips and peaches had been scattered everywhere. With a cry of dismay, she sank to her knees and gathered the rest up together, to keep more from being bruised or taken by passing traffic. Oola immediately bent down to join her, but nothing seemed to be able to break her good mood, and she babbled on the whole time about the upcoming celebration. It helped pass the time, Shara had to admit, but when she was done sorting out the damaged food, it was clear that almost half the basket was missing.

“Shaman told me we were going to have to get more. I guess he was right.”

Oola smiled. “Okay. Let’s go. I love foraging on days as nice as today.” She turned and started walking towards the entrance.

“Wait!” Shara cried after her. “We need to get baskets or something!” But Oola must not have heard, because she kept going.

Sighing, Shara hunted through the room for a carrier. Most of the spare equipment was stored deep in the back. Following the stream, she headed deeper into the gloom. The air grew warmer and thicker as she progressed, until walls were shiny with wetness. This early in the day, almost no light reached back this far into the caverns, although this didn’t bother her at all. As she crept forward, the sunlight was replaced by a rippling pale green glow that gently washed back and forth across the walls. Turning a final corner, the pale light brightened considerably as she reached the pool that fed the stream.

Searing hot liquid bubbled frothily in the pool’s basin, sending clouds of steam rising gently into the air. Greenish-white foam gently floated back and forth across the surface like buffalo meandering in the valleys. A tiny trickle spilled over the edge, forming the font of the stream, immediately joined by the condensation from the walls.

She had tasted that water once, everyone had at one time or another. Once was enough – the tiniest taste was sharp and bitter and made her tongue feel like it was covered in ground-up stone. And then there was the dizziness, the splitting headache and then the retching. She shuddered at the memory, and carefully stepped clear of the pool, trying to avoid looking at it lest it jump out of the basin and into her mouth.

Turning another corner, she found the pile of baskets, and bowls and skins and other spare supplies. Most were nearly worn out – this was the place that their tools were put when it was time to be replaced. Still, a few moments of hunting found a couple of serviceable baskets, perhaps a little shallow, but otherwise adequate.

She had never noticed before just how quiet and peaceful it was back here with the pool and the baskets. It was nice to spend a little time alone. Carefully she put the baskets aside and sat down on the floor, listening to the hissing of the pool and the dripping water. Every once in a while a cry or shriek drifted from outside, but they were indistinct, and didn’t break her meditation. This was a big day. As a woman of the Clan, she could join in the tribal councils, head out on hunting trips, and even marry.

Not that the last was likely. She knew her failings; she could see them every time she looked in a pond or a puddle of water. Awkward and clumsy, big features, emotional – None of the boys or unmarried men ever spared her a second glance. Reya was already married and with child, and she had only become a woman last year. Oola would have no problems finding a mate – she was beautiful and happy and full of energy.

But me? I am going to be alone for my whole life…

The sense of sadness was suddenly overwhelming. Sobbing quietly, she rested her head on her hands, wrapping her arms around her bony knees, hugging herself into a little ball, shaking and shivering.

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Friday, February 3rd, 2006 at 1:59 am.
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